I was hoping that poeple could give me some feedback on some of my poetry. If you could that would be great. Just tell me what you like and don't like. Thanks.
Always in time, for the things that I hate.
At ten o'clock,
We get ready to go.
You look so good,
Thats one thing I know.
We gotta hurry,
Don't wanna be late.
For this charade,
That I have come to hate.
The engine starts,
With a turn of a key.
The road is clear,
If you'd look you would see.
We are alone,
On these snowy streets.
Don't worry darling,
We'll soon arrive.
I'm never late,
Always just in time.
We knock on the door,
Anxious to get in.
To this crowded place,
Thats full of sin.
The door swings wide,
We've been invited inside.
I hate these parties.
But I'd rather not freeze.
Only friends.
I can not focus.
The thirteenth is the worst.
Full of memories of us.
My heart has just burst
Filling me with this emptiness.
You'll be ok she says.
Do you love me.
All she says is yes.
But only as friends.
A cruel day.
Shredded pictures consumed in flames.
This dead match smoking in my hand
Inverted thoughts through broken dreams.
Malicious thoughts try to take action.
Humbled hearts fight for their souls.
If they struggle too hard they'll lose control.
From this day on never concede to their whims.
The smoke begins to crawl at my feet.
It is trying to exspose my deepest sins.
It has no concept of being discreet.
The brightest light could not pierce this haze.
I never wanted to end like this, what a cruel day.
Hell has called your name.
The tide of war is upon you. Grace has finally deserted . You have been left without compassion. This cruel day will never be forgotten. Stranded you have found yourself alone. You can't even hear the echoes of heaven. You are truly lost. Your enemy is invisible. Closing in, you can now feel there presence is everywhere. Grotesque screams greet your ears without warning. You could have avoided this eternal pain, but you casted away your salvation. I will weep for you. Hell has called your name.
A simple task, now becomes hard.
The glass falls fast.
Showering .
Cutting so deep.
I feel nothing.
I drain another glass.
And two more after that.
The blood feels warm.
As it travels down my back.
A simple task.
Begins to be hard.
This walk to the road.
Through this empty yard.
The street lights.
The bar fights.
The speeding cars.
Soon to be scars.
The only things on my mind.
Don't look too hard.
I'll never find.
The things I've lost.
Her love and my time.
This gray light is blinding.
This gray light is blinding.
I stand on the edge of this chaotic city.
Trying to keep balance.
Too many close calls.
Too many near falls.
This gray light from the sky.
It comes so close to my skin.
I must not move.
It threatens to push me in.
Images of drugs and death,
Bring me to my knees.
The pollution in the air,
Silences my screams.
"Weak hearts, fight on!"
"They have not won!"
"Stand firm, stand strong!"
"It won't be long."
"Fight on, Fight on!"
"They have not won.!
These screams have fallen.
To weak to be heard.
This gray pollution,
Has killed every word.
There is still time.
I must not fail.
Too reach the fallen.
And to clear the air.
For all that I have.
And all that I am.
"Weak hearts, fight on!"
"They have not won!"
"Stand firm, stand strong!"
"It won't be long."
"Fight on, Fight on!"
"They have not won.!
No cure.
I lack a way to see her face.
Pictures of her are not the same.
I sit alone.
Poeple all around.
I get up.
But just fall to the ground.
I think about trying again.
But thats as far as I get.
My body has mutinied.
Its the alcohol I bet.
I lay alone.
Theres no one here.
I lay alone.
And I've found no cure.
Silence me under these bright lights.
There is only silence now.
Reminders of her are everywhere.
Let this night end.
Let the morning come.
You can't keep me here forever.
I can't stand this cold.
My body has gone numb.
Silence still consumes.
I am a statue on the wall.
Unable to move even an inch.
She knows now.
I can see in her beautiful face.
She presses the moment..
Wanting to hear it from my lips.
Those terrible words.
Words that would end a friendship.
The lights seem to brighten.
Only for a second.
And then I crack.
"I love you."
Silence ensues again.
Trying to suffocate me.
I can't take my eyes off of hers.
There is only silence now and forever.
She has given me no answer.
JJ
Poetry.
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