Metro Detroit Barbies Now Available


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Post Thu Dec 04, 2003 1:24 pm

Metro Detroit Barbies Now Available

Mattel announces the release of models of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls
for
the Metropolitan Detroit Market:


Birmingham Barbie: This Princess Barbie is only sold at Birmingham
boutique
shops. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a
longhaired foreign dog, named "Honey", and an over-priced house.
Available
with or without a tummy tuck and face-lift. Therapist Ken available.
Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with augment version. Fantasy
Ken
sold separately during the afternoons at local motels. Toys and
accessories
sold at adult bookstores.


Livonia Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with your
choice
of Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan. Her vehicle will not move unless
there are no objects in front of the vehicle for 100 yards, causing
traffic
jams. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation or secondary
education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching
gym outfit in plus sizes only. Livonia Ken and her come with matching
Lions
jerseys. He drives to the games. She drives home. It takes her 45
minutes
longer.


Troy Barbie: Has freshness date on package. Do not buy after that date
or
product may be spoiled rotten. Comes with no appreciation on how the
"other" 95% live. Does not have career or an idea of what makes her
happy.
When
bought in conjunction with Hard Working Ken, she will change her
appearance......will gain 75 lbs., will cut her hair, will become an
avid
church-goer, and belittle anyone who crosses her. No one including Ken
is
right, ever. Ken's head melts after 17 years.


Westland Barbie: This model is only available at the JC Penney Catalog
Store or at any parochial school bazaar. It cannot be purchased on
Saturday
night
(because of Trivia nights) and Sundays (grade school picnics).It comes
with
a case of Busch Beer, pork steaks, a recipe for Hash Brown Casserole, a
1987 Plymouth Voyager and one cell phone (circa 1992) for the whole
family
with
15 anytime minutes. She is wearing the latest fashion from Target that
she
wore on Easter Sunday. It also comes with Ken (wearing the latest soccer
T-shirt two sizes too small), a sack of White Castles and a 72 ounce Big
Gulp.


Redford Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a
Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with tinted windows and her own Meth Lab kit.
This
Barbie also comes with 6 children by four different Ken. This model is
available after dark and can be paid for only in cash-preferably small,
untraceable bills. Unless you're a cop. Then we don't know what you're
talking about!


West Bloomfield Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with a choice of a BMW
sports car or a souped up Hummer 2. Included is her Starbucks cup,
credit
cards and country club membership. Also available for this set are
Shallow
Ken and private School Skipper. But you can't afford them anyway. This
edition is available in Naples, FL, but only during spring break.


Waterford Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler
jeans
two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt and has a tattoo of a Tweety bird on
her shoulder. She has big, stiff hair, a six-pack of Coors Light and a
Hank
Williams, Jr., CD set . She can spit over 5 feet and can kick
Mullet-haired
Kenny doll's ass when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup separately and
get
its Confederate flag bumper stickers absolutely free. Comes with
personal
concealed gun license.


Milford Barbie: This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a
leopard-print ski outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while she entertains
friends at the club. Limited clothing available. Designer mini-skirts
and
CFM'S constitute 90% of her wardrobe. Percocet prescription available.
Elderly Ken completes this set. Pre-Nup papers as worthless as the
Chinese-made paper they are printed on.


Royal Oak Barbie: This doll is made of actual tofu, has long gray hair
and arch-less feet, sandals with white socks, no makeup and a mutt. She
prefers that you call her Willow".


Taylor Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of
her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she
chased
her beer-gutted boyfriend out of Anoka Barbie's house. Her make-up is
dark
red lip liner with your choice of lips covered in a sparkly pink or no
fill-in at all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with
assorted
colored G-strings that stick out the back and a white see-through
halter-top. Accessories include: CD player equipped with Bon Jovi and a
rusty old Ford pickup.
Death=Adder

One of these days...I'm going to cut you into little pieces...

~Pink Floyd~
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Post Thu Dec 04, 2003 4:18 pm

You forgot: There's another version of the Royal Oak Barbie that is available exclusively in the coffee shops of Birmingham, pretending that she belongs there. :)


heh... this is hilarious. my girl is from the burbs over there... though I'm from muskegon, I find this absolutely on target...
Good.... Bad.... I'm the guy with the crossbow.

Post Thu Dec 04, 2003 4:22 pm

Ok Erik, it is funny, except I seriously don't fit into the Waterford Barbie catagory...

To there :P
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Post Sat Dec 06, 2003 2:00 am

Typical "Fat Guy" responce.

After reading all that the first think to pop into my mind was;
"I wonder if the recipe for 'Hash Brown Casserole' is any good?"

hmmm.....

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